glory is exhausting, it's just as well i have a god to give it to, or i would explode. i wish to ditch my creativity in a bottomless pit and go deny my soul in a monastery forever.
creative burnout. sent the internet capacity over the edge with the millions of arts that i uploaded last week. removed batteries from camera so that i didn't have to snatch every piece of art that came my way. actually they fell out and rolled down a bank and even though i went back when i had time and foraged immensely through rotting undergrowth i did not find them.
i am blatantly wasting opportunity. i am depriving the world of myself. and it is fantastic. i am not an artist anymore. i am a human. i am not earning my place in this world. i am simply freeloading, overstaying, crashing the party.
why do we seek what is worthwhile?
why do we pursue good things?
why do we try to succeed?
to fulfil our potential? why?
it's like everyone believes in god these days or something
in other news, i found my leonard cohen cd which i had given up for lost long ago, because it was.
last time we saw you, you
looked so much older, your famous
blue raincoat was torn at the shoulder
i want a Famous Blue Raincoat.
i have no poetry
only song lyrics
i am stealing other people's art
and plastering it on the walls of my soul
because i have forgotten why i exist
leonard's golden droning is making me sleeepy
and you treated my woman
to a flake of your life
and when she came back
she was nobody's wife
i met a knight, though i didn't know he was a knight. he was just a random old artist in a random studio that i wandered into from the street and he painted like my grandmother used to. i was talking about art and error and that i had total respect for watercolours as they are as unforgiving as hell and he showed me where he had once made a mistake and then changed it, and it was not noticeable. he was the mayor of wellington for 7 years, and an architect, thus the perfect watercolours of buildings. he was always warm and encouraged me to visit regularly, and gave me a small print of a view of wellington from not far from my house. i was so honoured. he wants to see my paintings. but i bought food instead of paint again this week, and i want to do a new wellington one to show him. do you know michael fowler? that's sir michael fowler to you....
i bought food. i have never had a full larder, not like this. i tend to buy small amounts of food at a time. perhaps having less food choice is easier. certainly having too many choices destroys my ability to know what i want to eat. ALL OF IT. i am a communist. please make my decisions for me and tell me what to do.
thank you for the trouble you took
from her eyes
i thought that it was there for good
so i never tried
i made this amazing pork chow mein. it was flavoured mostly with Mi Goreng noodle sachets. grating ginger root and chopping garlic was so good for my soul. the silverbeet and brocolli and carrot were also important.
i made ginger and honey tea from its raw ingredients. i find it very fulfilling.
i made these amazing afghan biscuits. actually, they had wholegrain oats instead of cornflakes. does that make them anzafghans? what made them incredible though was that i put one m&m on the top where one normally puts a walnut. walnuts are too healthy though, and colourless and m and m's have pure saturated discriminate colours.
i think karlyn may be coming over for coffee tomorrow....
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